BitterSweet music
by VelaXen
Summary: Mikan Sakura has a hard time playing happy music, and when she enters a piano playing contest, that could be a problem. But when she has an idea that could help, she has to get Natsume to play along; Literally!  MikanXNatsume Fic, and my first.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Gakuen alice, only this story.**

Mikan sat silently at her desk by the window, not paying any attention to what Jin-Jin was saying. She was daydreaming in her own little world, a small smile on her face, her eyes half closed.

As soon as school let out, she would be going to the piano store to play some of the grand pianos. The people there were very nice, and it was almost always empty so they told her she could play as long as she wanted to.

She'd played piano since she was very small, loving the instrument with all her heart as she had steadily progressed. When she had turned eight, she started going to a school that specialized in music, Alice Academy. Only trouble was, she had to learn _other _things too, like math. And everything else a school teaches.

The school bell shook Mikan from her daydreaming, and she got up with a leap and nearly bounded out of the classroom, hardly containing her excitement. She rushed out the hallway and down a flight of stairs, stopping at the large wooden door that would expel her to the outside world. Just as she was about to yank it open, however, a hard voice made her stop in her tracks.

"And where do you think you're going, Polka-dots, without you're partner coming with you?"

Mikan rolled her eyes and swallowed a groan. "Natsume. Go away." She turned around to face him, pouting. "Whenever you come, you only let me stay for an hour. You know I'm only allowed out once a week." Natsume smirked.

"Polka, that's only when you use you're lousy voice to accompany you're lousy piano." Mikan's cheeks flushed red.

"Whatever, Natsume! Just shut up and come with or I'm gonna change my mind!"

Natsume just smirked again, walking down the steps before Mikan even had the chance to follow. Mikan, used to this treatment, walked quickly next to him, soon forgetting her anger and talking happily about nothing in particular, sometimes earning a nod or a grunt of acknowledgement from Natsume.

"Ne, Natsume, guess what?" she continued before he had the chance to respond. "I'm going to enter in the piano contest, and if I win, I get to go to France with the prize money and visit my mom!" Natsume stopped in his tracks, staring down at Mikan. Her cheeks were slightly red, and her eyes were sparkling with excitement. Natsume, however, was not so happy, because if she went, he wouldn't be able to see her.

"How long would you be gone, ugly?" Mikan chose to ignore the jibe.

"About three years! I'm so excited, I can't wait!" Mikan laughed, skipping to keep pace with Natsume.

"And, to top it all of, I get to play at concerts while I'm there! Well, that is, if I win, but I've been practicing so hard that I might make it! Oh, Natsume, I'm so happy!" she twirled around, her hair whipping across her face. Excitement was coursing through her veins, making her head feel light and her heart all jumpy. She looked up at Natsume, trying to read his usual blank expression, but all she could tell was that he didn't seem too happy.

"Ne, Natsume, what's wrong? You don't look too happy." a worried expression took over her face. Natsume looked down at her, his face not portraying the fact that he would miss her.

"Nothing, Polka-dots, its just that you'll be depressed when you lose, and I'm gonna have to clean up your tears." He said flatly. Mikan scowled.

They were almost at the piano store after nearly half an hour of walking, Mikan getting more excited as they progressed. She was talking louder and louder, skipping all over the pavement, when she tripped on a crack. Natsume caught her before she hit the asphalt, but she tripped again coming up, and they both toppled over, Mikan landing heavily on Natsume.

**Natsume's Pov**

Ugh. Stupid clumsy Polka dots, landing in the worst position possible, tripping over thin air, and being an idiot. God, she landed so close to my face, I can practically see every movement her li-wait, what the hell am I thinking? Urgh, Polka, one of these days I'm gonna-

"Gomen, Natsume, I'm so sorry!" I hear her yelp out, struggling to get off of me. I just glare at her, trying to ignore the fact that she's pouting cutely, her eyebrows creased together.

I suddenly have an urge to rub the crease between her eyebrows, wanting to erase her worry. Instead, I just get off the ground and keep walking.

"Whatever, Polka, I know I have to deal with you're clumsiness whether I like it or not." I say, walking more quickly.

"Natsume! Hey! Wait up!" I ignore her, and I hear her running to catch up.

"Hey, Natsume! I told you to wait up! It takes me almost two strides to match up to one of yours! Hey!" I hear her complaints catching up to me, and just as I'm about to start running, I hear ugly squeal in excitement. I have to admit, it's an adorable sound.

"Natsume, we're here!" I hear the tinkling of a bell, and I backtrack and follow her inside the store.

I guess I can see why she likes to spend so much time in here. Aside from there being at least twenty grand pianos, they have other instruments, too. Cellos, violins, flutes… everything, or at least everything Polka seems to have a fascination with.

I see her run up to the counter, asking if she can play for a while. The person behind the counter is someone I don't recognize, and as soon as I lean forward to see what he looks like, I feel something burning in the pit of my stomach. It's a handsome boy, I guess, and he's totally flirting with her. And Polka dots, in all her stupidity, has no idea what he's doing, so she just smiles cutely.

I go up to the counter, donning my usual blank expression, though I'm sure some of my anger shows through.

"Um, can I help you? I'm kind of busy right now." I hear the boy state rudely, gesturing to Polka. I grimace.

"Yes you can, actually. You see, ugly there has been waiting to play the pianos for a week, and I suggest you let her, unless you're an even bigger idiot than I thought and insist on continuing to waste her time." I smirk at the end of my sentence, narrowing my eyes. The boy flinches.

"W-whatever. It's my lunch break anyway." I hear him stutter, walking to the back of the shop and going outside for his 'Lunch break'

I look down at Polka dots with a bored expression, when all I want to do is tell her off and say not to be such an idiot as to let random guys flirt with her.

"Hurry up and get playing, ugly, before I change my mind and drag you back."

"Thanks, Natsume! I will!" She chirps happily, smiling her brightest smile at me and heading off to pick out a piano. I hide a blush with my fringes, feeling incredibly happy that she would smile at me like that.

**Normal Pov**

Mikan forgot her slight confusion about Natsume as soon as she started looking for her piano, focusing all her thoughts on finding the right one. She was looking for the one that she always played, the first one she had seen in the music shop. It had the most amazing sound, and the best tune of any piano she had ever heard, at least to her loving ears.

"Ah!" Mikan exclaimed, finding the right one at last. She had been afraid they had sold it. Even though the store owners had said they would keep it for her until she had enough money to buy it, she was always worried someone would offer too much money for them to say no.

Mikan sat down lightly, easing the fall board open with gentle fingers. She sighed contentedly, playing a few scales to warm up, and easily changed the scales she played into a song by Chopin.

She played a sad song, the melancholy notes of it drifting around her, surrounding the shop with the delicate sound of her playing.

Whenever she played sad songs, she thought of her father, trying to conjure up memories of him. She tried her hardest, but she could only ever remember fragments, he had died when she was so young.

Across the shop, Natsume stopped what he was doing and listened. He'd noticed long ago that Mikan would almost never play happy songs. He'd also noticed that her face wore a gentle smile when she played, even when her songs were so sad that he felt like he wanted to comfort her and take away her pain. The only word Natsume could think of to describe her music, no matter how beautiful and uplifting it had the possibility to be, was bittersweet.

After Mikan finished the song she was playing, she decided to try her luck and played a song that would be accompanied by singing.

This song was sad as well, but had more hope than the previous one.

Mikan took in a deep breath, and started singing, her clear voice ringing throughout the shop.

**Maybe not, by: Cat Power.**

**There's a dream that I see, I pray it can be  
>Look cross the land, shake this land<br>A wish or a command  
>Dream that I see, don't kill it, it's free<br>You're just a man, you get what you can**

**We all do what we can  
>So we can do just one more thing<br>We can all be free  
>Maybe not in words<br>Maybe not with a look  
>But with your mind<strong>

**Listen to me, don't walk that street  
>There's always an end to it<br>Come and be free, you know who I am  
>We're just living people<strong>

**We won't have a thing  
>So we got nothing to lose<br>We can all be free  
>Maybe not with words<br>Maybe not with a look  
>But with your mind<strong>

**You've got to choose a wish or command  
>At the turn of the tide, is withering thee<br>Remember one thing, the dream you can see  
>Pray to be, shake this land<strong>

**We all do what we can  
>So we can do just one more thing<br>We won't have a thing  
>So we've got nothing to lose<br>We can all be free  
>Maybe not with words<br>Maybe not with a look  
>But with your mind<strong>

**But with your mind**

Mikan finished, gently cutting off from the song. She had thought of something while playing, but she didn't know if Natsume would be willing to do it.

"Ne, Natsume… I have something I want to ask." Natsume, immersed in looking at cellos, was irritated at being interrupted.

"What? Tell me quickly, I'm kinda busy." He snapped, not taking his eyes off of the instruments.

"Well…" Mikan began, taking in a breath. "I was wondering if you would be willing to do a duet with me. For cello and piano" She held her breath, anxious for him to say yes.

**Natsume's Pov**

What was that girl talking about, a duet? It sounds like a bad idea. She's too big of an idiot for stuff like that.

"You don't have to decide right away!" She cut in hastily.

"I-it's probably a bad idea. I just thought it might be fun to try…and it might help win the competition, you're allowed to have a partner. And, if we did win, you'd get to come with me to France." She gushed, hopeful that I might actually say yes.

I have to admit, though, the last part was tempting. I'd be able to go with her, make sure she didn't get to cozy with another guy - not that I'd care. I'm actually tempted to say yes.

"We'll see, Polka dots, but don't get too hopeful. I'll probably say no." Mikan looked shocked for a moment, then rushed over to me, hugging me around the waist.

"Natsume, thank you so much!" She looked up into my face, smiling a ridiculously huge smile. I'm just so tempted to lean down and kiss her; I have to force myself to break away from the hug.

"Whatever, ugly, just don't go getting all worked up." I swear, this girl's too cute for her own good.

**Well, heres the first chapter! It would be awesome if I can get some reviews to improve my writing, cause I could probably use some help. This is my first ever Fic, so if its not very good, I'll make sure to improve my writing skills! :D **


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi! Chapter two is here! This chapter is dedicated to: SilentVanilla! you're my very first reviewer ever! :D on another note, I ended up changing the plot almost completely, so...be prepared! (If I should change the rating, please let me know! )**

Mikan's fingers flew across the piano, letting out all the right notes, but it sounded like a robot was playing. She just couldn't seem to put any feeling into something so happy.

"Try again, Polka. You sound like a soulless robot." Natsume scolded. Mikan had done this every time she played, and he was getting really fed up with it .

"I'm trying, Natsume!" She whined. Mikan felt more and more hopeless as they practiced, she just couldn't seem to get such a happy song right. Every time she tried, she ended up playing it without heart, or just completely giving up. Natsume's eyes narrowed as she talked.

"If you think you're going to win this contest, Polka dots, you're strongly mistaken." Natsume said sternly, crossing his arms. He was getting tired of doing so much work, and his nerves were running high. Playing cello with a piano was fine and all, but if Mikan couldn't get it right, he wasn't going to keep trying.

"I'm sorry! I just can't seem to play something happy!" Mikan cried out, rubbing her temples. She was getting frustrated with her seeming lack of ability, and she knew that to play a happy song would probably please the judges. She'd been listening to a lot of cello and piano duets, and some of the most beautiful were in minor though. It confused her.

"I just...Why can't we do a minor song? Not everything needs to be so damn happy!" She exclaimed, voice getting loud. Natsume finally lost his temper with the whining brat.

"Stop complaining! You know as well as I do that you need to learn how to do this! Stop being so emotionless with you're playing!" He shouted at her, eyes flaming. Mikan flinched. She knew he was right. She lost her anger, Natsume yelling at her like that was too much to bare..

"Okay. I'm sorry, Natsume." She whispered, shoulders hunched. Natsume felt a pang of guilt for losing his temper, but really, it was for her own good. It was something that needed to happen. She needed to learn.

Mikan closed her front door with a weary sigh, exhaustion written on her every feature. The song she was learning tore at her mind, eating away her happiness. Really, the happier the song she learned, the more depressed she seemed to become.

"Mikan!" Her grandfather greeted happily, coming out of the living room and giving her a big hug. Mikan's face instantly brightened.

"Ji-chan!" She chirped happily, hugging him back. Her grandpa always put her in a good mood. He smiled at her, relieved he had received her usual greeting. She had seemed pretty down for the past couple of days.

"What do you want to eat, Mikan?" He asked, motioning towards the kitchen. Mikan's face paled.

"Um, I'm not really hungry, thanks though!" She said, faking a smile. Her grandpa's wrinkled face creased even more with worry. She hadn't been eating much lately either. Mikan saw his worry, and immediately changed her mind.

"Um, actually, I would love a sandwich!" She exclaimed, skipping into the kitchen. Her grandpa smiled.

"I'll make it." He said. Mikan smiled.

"Kay, I'm gonna do homework then!" She said, heading towards her bed. She opened the door, closing it softly behind her. As soon as she reached her bed, she collapsed into it, inhaling deeply.

_I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry..._She thought, biting her lip. Her eyes burned, but her years of experience in hiding her feelings were not for nothing. Mikan was determined to keep smiling, no matter what the cost.

She would hide everything, just like she always did.

Mikan's eyes began to feel heavier and heavier, and before she knew it, she was being woken by a soft tapping on her door. She sat up.

"Mikan. Its time to get up." She heard her Grandpa say softly. Her eyes wandered to the clock on her bedside.

7:30...A.M... Oh. Damn.

"Crap! I'm gonna be so late!" Mikan shouted, running around her room, throwing on her uniform and brushing her teeth at lightening speed. She was used to this routine, that was for sure.

She bolted out the door, kissing her grandfather on the cheek and grabbing the piece of toast he held out to her. She ran down the stairs, and started jogging towards school. She let the piece of toast fall out of her hands, she wasn't hungry.

Ten minutes later Mikan was tromping up the stairs to her classroom, slowing down as she neared it. She eased the door open, sliding in silently. She managed to go unnoticed, so she sat down at the back row. She looked around her, scanning the room.

Natsume was no where to be seen.

**Natsume's Pov.**

I didn't feel like going to class. Everyone was so annoying, especially Polka dots. I just needed a break from it all. I couldn't take another practice with her.

I slid a cigarette out from a new pack, lighting it up and taking a ragged draw. It's disgusting, but also delicious. I watched the smoke curl into patterns as it dissipated, admiring how something so fragile could be so beautiful.

I laid back on the grass, looking up at the sakura blossoms above my head. Damn, whenever I see this tree I think of Polka dots. Tch...so annoying...

I started drifting off into sleep, yawning hugely as I did so. Whatever, I needed a nap anyway. I never get enough sleep.

I awoke to the sounds of the school bell, signaling the end of the day. I sighed wearily, I really didn't feel like going home, but after another half hour of boredom it's really the only thing to do.

**Normal Pov**

Mikan slammed the door behind her, stomping up the stairs to her room. Her grandpa was at some tea thing with a friend, so she had the whole house to herself. Perfect for wallowing in frustration and misery.

She flung herself on her bed, picking up a book in hopes to distract herself. She hated fighting with Natsume so much, but he was being ridiculous. It was so stupid that she needed to play a happy song.

After ten minutes of fruitless effort directed to focusing on reading, Mikan flung her book across the room, letting it hit her bedroom door with a loud crash. She stormed back down the stairs, heading towards her piano. Her mind was no longer wandering, and she had made the decision to stop wallowing in self pity.

This wasn't going to be easy, but she had to try; if not for herself for Natsume.

After going over the song so much Mikan's fingers began to stiffen, she decided to call it a night. She had made progress, and that had put her in a better mood. Tomorrow, she was determined to show Natsume that she wasn't going to quite so easily.

After scooping her hair into a pony tail, Mikan went through her nightly routine and crawled under her covers. This time she drifted off easier, feeling confident that all would once again be well.

**The next day**

"Hotaru!" Mikan shrieked, flinging herself onto her best friends neck. Her bliss only lasted a moment, the next thing Mikan knew she was sprawled on her back with a welt on her head from hotaru's Baka-gun..

"I told you not to touch me so early in the morning." hotaru said calmly, regarding the smiling figure at her feet. Hotaru's mouth twitched up in the smallest of smiles. Mikan laughed slightly, her expression then going serious.

"Ne, hotaru, have you seen Natsume? I need to talk to him." Mikan said, getting back on her feet. otaru shook her head. Ruka came up behind her, putting his arm around her waist. Hotaru shot him a glare, but he ignored it. He looked at Mikan thoughtfully.

"You two are fighting again, aren't you?" He asked, tilting his head to the side.

"W-well...kinda..." Mikan said sadly, not meeting ruka's eyes. He sighed deeply.

"Let me guess, you and him started practicing together...and he got mad at you're seeming disability to play happy songs. I've heard this before, but never with Natsume...he finally gave in to playing with you, huh" it wasn't a question. Mikan flushed slightly, wondering how ruka always managed to read her like an open book.

"Yeah..." she said, again not meeting his eye. "Well, I should probably go look for Natsume." She smiled at them, letting her smile fade only when she was out of sight. She sighed, looking at the cherry blossoms that were blooming.

"Damn..." Mikan muttered under her breath, not knowing where to start looking for Natsume. She sighed again, then started walking to anywhere she could think he would be.

**Natsume's Pov.**

I was laying under the Sakura tree again, for some reason I just always seemed to be drawn to it. Maybe it was because it reminded me of Polka... tch. I'd already lost most of my anger, and all that was left in its place was a sinking feeling that I had made her depressed. I'd seen Polka around school today, and whenever I saw her she was smiling. But it was the smile that I could see straight through.

It was as fake as her piano playing had been.

As my thoughts started to drift elsewhere, I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around slowly, knowing perfectly well who it was.

"Natsume. I found you." I heard Polka say, relief written all over her face. I felt any lingering annoyance I had felt towards her dissolve. I really couldn't stay mad at her, not when she looked like that. Her looking at me with such regret.

"Polka dots." I said, not letting any of my feelings show through those two words. She looked down at my feet, not meeting my eyes.

"I-I'm so sorry!" She burst out, her eyes brimming with tears. "I never should have given up that easily, I wasn't trying my best. I wasn't even willing to accept that song, it-I was being so stupid, I'm so sorry Natsume!" She cried out, bowing so fast that her hair flipped over. I sighed at her stupidity.

"Polka, I'm not angry. I was only..." I petered off, my face starting to flush slightly. I'd almost said I had been worried about her, which was the truth, but I could never say that.

"-Annoyed, with the fact that it was obvious you weren't trying to put any heart into it." I said instead. Polka looked up from her bow, and I could see tears starting to roll down her cheeks.

"W-what?" I said, startled. "Why are you crying?"

"Because I'm happy. I didn't know..." Polka's face suddenly brightened with a smile, and she laughed.

"And the fact is, I discovered that if I thought about something that means a lot to me, I think I can play that song with feeling!" I swear, if she didn't turn that smile down a notch, I'd go blind by how bright it was. I actually almost smiled.

"Shall we go see if you're discovery is correct, then?" Polka nodded, walking to my side.

**Normal Pov.**

After nearly two hours of practicing with Natsume, Mikan felt so happy she could burst. Practicing with Nasume was actually going well, and the song really sounded beautiful with cello.

She walked back home with ruka and hotaru when her and Natsume were done, and they could see she was back to her usual self.

"I'm glad everything worked out." ruka said, smiling. Mikan nodded, and hotaru rolled her eyes. Mikan and ruka laughed, and hotaru couldn't help but smile ever so slightly.

"Ji-chan, I'm home!" Mikan said, kissing him on the cheek. He smiled down at her.

"You seem to be in a much better mood." He said, patting her on the head. She nodded. After talking with him for a while about nothing in particular, Mikan headed upstairs to do what little homework she had.

After finishing her math, Mikan called hotaru. They hadn't had a sleepover in such a long time, she decided to demand one for tomorrow.

"What?" Hotaru said across the line, her voice sounding irritated.

"Hi, hotaru! I wanted to know if you would have a sleepover with me tomorrow?" Mikan heard hotaru sigh. She knew that mikan wouldn't stop bugging her about it until she gave in.

"Fine. We'll walk to my house after school. Is there anything else you need?" she said, already starting to hang up.

"Nope!" mikan said, right as the line went dead. She smiled to herself. As she went to bed, mikan couldn't help but feel completely content at how everything was, it didn't seem like anything would happen.

Beep! Beep! Beep!

Mikan's eyes shot open, her alarm clock had once again succeeded in rudely awakening her. She groaned, it was so early...she really just wanted to go back to bed...

"Mikan!" a voice called from down stairs. "You better not even think about pressing the snooz button!"

Mikan snorted, it was like her grandpa had read her mind.

"Okay!" she called back down, rolling out of bed and onto a pile of cloths. She got up and stretched, yawning hugely as she did so. After going through everything she needed to do, mikan walked downstairs and greeted her grandpa.

He handed her a piece of toast as a reply. She smiled.

"K, I'm gonna head off! Love yeah!" he nodded, smiling back. Mikan ran out the door, reaching school five minutes early. Hotaru and natsume both looked surprised.

"What are you doing here so early?" they demanded, both talking at the same time. They shot each other glares, crossing their arms. Mikan smirked.

"What, sometimes I try to be on time, y'know." Natsume snorted.

"Uh-huh, tell that to the clock next time you come in late." natsume said with a smirk. Mikan laughed. The school bell rang, signaling the beginning of the day. She skipped up the steps, filing into Homeroom with the rest of the class and choosing her usual seat between Natsume and ruka.

The rest of the day came and went, with the bell ringing again. Mikan ran up to natsume as he was leaving.

"Natsume, I'm going to hotaru's tonight, call me if you need anything!" She said, smiling. Natsume smirked.

"So eager to hear my voice?" Mikan blushed slightly.

"You wish. I meant if you needed anything about the song or something." she retorted. Natsume nodded sarcastically.

"Riiiight." he drawled. Mikan rolled her eyes at him, then walked over to hotaru. Natsume smiled slightly to himself as he watched her retreating figure. She really was childish, but even so she could make even him smile.

"Hotaru, what's in this?" Mikan asked, intrigued by what she held. Hotaru scowled. The black-haired beauty was already getting exasperated by all of Mikan's questions.

"Not for you, thats what." She snapped, taking the elegant box from out of mikan's fingers. Hotaru took mikan by the hand, dragging her up the stairs to her room. Mikan was entranced at the beauty of her house, all the pictures hanging, all of the colors. She never got bored of going to her house...

"Stop spacing out so much, baka." hotaru said, snapping mikan out of her reverie. Mikan nodded as hotaru opened the door to her room, yanking mikan inside. They started doing everything you do at a sleepover; talking, drawing, more talking...as it started getting dark outside, someone started knocking at the door. Mikan and hotaru ran downstairs, looking through the peephole before opening it.

Mikan flung the door open.

"Natsume?"

"Mikan." He said. Her eyes widened. He almost never called her by name. Something was wrong.

**Natsume's Pov, flashback.**

After making sure Polka didn't get run over by a car as she crossed the street before hotaru, I went back to the music room to keep practicing cello. As I was running my bow across the strings, I noticed that Mikan had left her phone on the table. I shook my head, amazed at what an airhead she could be at times.

I pocketed it, planning on giving it to her the next day. I continued to play until it was around sunset, then decided to call it a night. I locked up before I left, putting the music room key in my bag.

As I was walking home, I felt Polka's phone vibrating. It startled the shit out of me, and I almost missed the call because of it. I flipped open her phone.

"Yeah?" I said, keeping my voice emotionless.

"Is mikan sakura there?" a female voice asked. I furrowed my brow.

"No, she's not available. I'm a friend of hers though, can you tell me what's going on?" The line was silent for a moment, then I heard the lady sigh.

"I suppose so. Could you pass on the message if I can't reach her?"

"Yes." I say, impatient for her to spill it already. "Now, what's going on?" I demand. I heard the lady take a deep breath.

"It's her grandfather. He was hit by a drunk driver, and... He died on the scene." She said, voice almost emotionless.

"E-excuse me?" I stammer, not believing what I had just heard. She repeated it, her voice staying the same. I almost made her repeat it again, but instead I just thanked her and hung up. I could not believe what I had just heard, it had never even occurred to me that her grandfather would ever die.

Before I even knew what I was doing, I started running over to hotaru's house. I couldn't let Mikan find out over phone. I had to be with her, no matter what. She was the most important thing to me, and she was going to be crushed by this.

**Yup, guess that counts as a cliffhanger. Sorry about that. And I guess there's kinda some ooc'ness. Oh, and reviews would be awesome so I could work on my writing skills :)**


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